In response to my own performance...

Well, what can I say, I gave it my all. I am satisfied with the way it turned out. All week before, I was over-thinking and worrying and freaking out about how to convey the messages I wanted to. A vague idea is not enough for me when it comes to fifteen minutes on stage. In the end, fifteen minutes turned out to be much too short for the amount of information I was giving, and the way I wanted to give it to the audience. I like performing. I feel very comfortable on stage which freaks me out sometimes - what does that say about the kind of person I am? Do I pathetically crave attention? I felt the messages I created were strong and thought provoking. I do think I can work on the "less is more" concept and make sure to not overlook some actions, to give them the proper time they need to become significant to the audience. I don't want to rush the viewer through so many visual symbols that it becomes impossible for them to contemplate any of them properly. However, I don't do minimalism either. I am not good at one single repetitive motion or one single visual idea- (not that there is anything wrong with that) - I get bored with myself on stage and I think some performers are better at minimalism than others. I like loaded questions, ridiculously large and flamboyant actions... I mean why not - why would that be any different than a ridiculously small action.

I feel pretty good about the costumes I had on-- the dress which I felt was over the top, colorful, representative of oh so many cultural references to time period, political turmoil, social standard, community organization, family structure, etc.- and also the complete and utter emptiness of the black body coverings- its anonymity, its "genderless-ness", the emotion of the color black, its sense of loss and despair but also its sense of power and uneasy stillness -- yes I liked the costumes and felt they were exactly what I wanted, but I didn't like the amount of dolls I had to work with. I liked the one that I ended up hammering and taping to the wall. That one I will keep. The original idea was to look to the dolls for what I should be... what I should look like, the smile I should have, the glassiness of the eyes, the hands turned stiff and upward... but not as a child looking at the dolls - just as a person, ageless. But it did add a kind of confusion to the piece, one I'm not sure I entirely welcome. I didn't want the piece to be about "women's struggles in society throughout the years" and I didn't want it to be about the anger women feel abour their representation in the media - aka what is a sucessful woman? I wanted to play with being muzzled, being treated like an animal but not being insulted or held back by it, play with being a stereotype, being a contradiction, being bold, being voiceless through audial cues, but being voiced in action. I put the muzzle on myself, I remuzzled myself for the black outfit. My hand were free to remove it. The drool would usually be a sign of humiliation, but I wanted to drool everywhere - to show that kind of "disgusting and unlady-like" part of human nature - to drool, to salivate, to lose control of bodily functions, to be off-putting. So thats all I really have to say about my performance. I know I'm going to stick with the idea, but change it, refine it...