I'm not really sure yet what that would be. I started thinking mostly about the voice/voicelessness of the piece. Making noise with my voice but still not saying anything. Gagged - a means of degradation, a means of silencing, a taking away of the power of the voice, the power of speech, the freedom of speech, but it is also a willing act of sexual fetishes, a desire to be gagged, a desire to be controlled. I don't know if I will take a 90 degree turn so much as a 30 degree pivot. I might scrap the housewife shit and just be me - the modern woman, student, friend, cousin, sister, daughter, human, etc...
I will probably scrap the dolls, although I liked the drawing of pubic hair on such an innocent looking doll and the way that might make people cringe. A ninety degree turn in my work might be someone who speaks a lot but does not necessarily say anything, someone who lives on the surface. I think of a parrot right away, just repeating what it knows is okay to say and think, what is easy, what is daily (repetitive), what is low in conflict, not thinking or not being able to think of something deeper or more interuptive. Maybe it would be someone who is saying these "interuptive" ideas, but not knowing their meaning or influence, just saying what they are told to say with no understanding behind it.
Also, I focused so much on being a woman, with such strong feminine telling features. What is is to be a woman? Does wearing a dress mean I'm a woman? Does wearing lipstick? Does wearing whitie-tighties underneath a dress make me a man? Does using the men's room? What do men see as limiting in regards to their gender? What about being a woman angers me? -- Well several things actually, something I could go on and on about. I will save this for another post for this reason.
What if this final performance isn't done under a spotlight. I liked the spotlight for two reasons, because 1. I think all of life is a stage. Men and women live on stages everyday, with a spotlight put on them, especially in certain situations regarding social graces, social pressures. Spotlights are isolating and life is very isolating... that's vague - our cultural "rules" can be isolating. 2. It creates a distinct separation between those in the spotlight and those not - meaning the audience feels even less apart of the actual performance. Its a bubble in some ways. But how uneasy would the viewer become with a gagged, drooling woman, struggling to politely ask them to pass the salt?? What if I stripped this performance down to the bare minimum technology wise? The distance I created between the audience and myself has suddenly become of great interest to me.
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2 comments:
Ironically enough, your performance had a very Ron Athey feel to it (S&M except his are about masculinity, but same aggressive nature).
This is where letting ideas steep like tea can actually do you some good.
I think the "what I hate about being a woman" blog would be a good idea to have a list to draw from. Even to look back on in the future as you age.
From 19-23 it was about recognition and challenging the boundaries of beauty, acceptance, self and society, and shaving off what others wanted me to be in struggle with who I wanted to be. I would much rather have been 30 to have instant respect--19-23 year olds get no respect.
From 24-26 it was about losing anger.
From 27 on, it's about trying to lose control.
Perhaps think about your life in female-accomplishment phases and the obstacles that remain and disappear.
You haven't been a housewife, right? So, maybe instead for the final think about what role in your life could serve as a new "character" that you once were/are in transition from/to.
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